For the first time in my life I Don’t feel either Christmass Spirit or New Years Spirit!.

I Even don’t feeel like having any Resolutions in my mind for my new year.!
I Guess this year didn’t leave anything good to hope for :S!
I had A lot of Resolutions & a Lot of Plans to do  last year…But everyhtings Changed last minute!

I can’t deny that there happened some few good things, Like me starting my new Job in a nice international Company, & Proving my self a little. I have been introduced to a
totally different independent world of people ; Where everything u do , u do for Yourself only & No Body will Help you r support u on it .

But rather than that , I Don’t remember anything else that I want to remember or keep on doing this year.

I Even Don’t want to Remember what Happened last Year on New Year’s Eve!
It is So Painful to! & It’s all coming Back to me noww!

I feel that I have a lot of Potential that I don’t know where to direct it!

Let me Just Say with Celine Dion:
SO this is Christmass, & What Have you done?
Another Year Over… & A New one just Begun.
…
Let’s hope it is a good one…Without any Fear.

Merry Christmass & Happy New Year.

I hate the feeling I am having now…It is a feeling of hating everything!  

A feeling of being LOST, not knowing what I want,Who I am , How to deal with people …Even who my Friends are & who my enemies are !!!
A Horrible Feeling!

I Don’t even know if I am the same person I used to be in the past or I am just another person !
If I want to be friends with same people or to know other people!
I started to be Fed Up with all People I know! Good & Bad.

Coz Good People are sometimes  TOO Good, which makes me Feel I am the Bad Girl Here!
& Bad People are too Bad that they just think & Care about  themselves only!

I may not be  a Good Or a Bad Person,  I am Neither too Good , Nor Too Bad!
I am a Girl who is seeking simplicity in Everything. In Life, In People , In work , In Relationships, In Everything.

I hate Complicated Life!
I hate Obstacles in life, Restrictions & Borders!

I Hate thinking about Every step in Life before doing it…..& I hate it too when I ruin something because I didn’t think before doing it!!

I hate it when  people take me for Granted …& I hate it too when they don’t need me! (Specially if I need them Badly

I hate it when I don’t Express what I feel to people I care about, & I hate it too when I do express it & they Don’t appreciate it!

I hate it when I am not close to God, & I hate it when I am too close that I don’t get the chance to make anything wrong.

I hate it when all what people want is keeping a link (Just to take what they want When they need it ) from me & then may be not care any more!

I hate Misunderstanding People because they have more than one face !

I hate being Misunderstood too from People Because I make things simply not concerned with  how they will take it .

I hate having to be a Double Faced , Twisted Person with some people, Because that is how they are!
I hate when I don’t get the chance to say all what I want to my family, Because I know they will not accept the truth, But will accept only Half of it!

I Hate…I Hate …& I Hate Routine work!

Goshhh , I didn’t think I will have all that Hate in me one day!

I never Hated AnyOne..I don’t think I Will.

I hope that Feeling don’t last for too Long.

Is it that real ?!
Can  it be that Strong? (THe Passion ?..The Heattt ?…THe Excitement ?)
Can it do Miracles like they say ?!!! OR that is just in Movies?!
My Problem is : I DOn’t Know! I never experienced love THAT WAY!

I may have had few crushes, But Never real Love….(I wonder when I i will!)

After Watching the Notebook Movie today, Part of me tells me: Yes It is That Trueeee & Can be that Strong! It can last Forever & Ever  & they Can Live Happily Ever After
BUt the other part tells me : Noppp it is just the MOvie! THey need this just to make a good Movie….THis is ONE in a Ten Million!

If Everything in this life is Going about Love (Movies, Songs, Marriage, sex…), Then it must be something real …
But is it THAT REAL like in the Movie?!…I wonder!

Does it EXist THAT WAY ?! Will I Find Someone like that who will love me Forever & Ever , will fight for me , & I will be ready to take riskss & fight for him , Just to Be with Him ?!!!…

Will we Die Together , just for the sake of not being able to live life without each other ?!

OR Life will just Ruin Everything Good , & Mess things Up like it does with Everythings!
Too Many Questions , With No Answers….I WIsh I could answer them one day. :)

This topic has come to my mind a lot before ..but I never thought of writing about it until today;after having a conversation with one of my friends about relationships & commitment.

I decided that I want to write about it …May be that will help me not think about it any more.

I Have always wondered about: Why a lot of People (specially Men ..with all my respect ) fear about being committed ??! Why do some of them just “Freak Out” when they think of the word “Marriage” and all what comes with it of meaning ?!

Of course some women do too ..But Women are always more ready for Sharing ,Starting a family & being responsible for a home & children.

Even in the Movies ! (specially the american ones ) …
Two people may love each other very much, they are happy with each other , They even may live together & do things together … They Almost Share Everything together!

But once one of them start thinking about marriage & Commitment ..ohhhh No! They start Freaking out & Going back to not being ready !! (what the …?!!)

What I really mean here is that Life is all about being Committed to many & different things.

I see it as follows:

-Any one who has a family is Committed to his family (whether his father ,Mother, brothers, sisters ,cousins….etc ) …He/she just can’t come one day & say: Sorry that’s enough..I am bored of being part of this family & I will search for another .

-Any one who Love his job is committed to his job & to the Company he is working for.

(May be some will tell me that Committed = Forever…& no one will stay in his same job or company like Forever !…But I tell u It is Definitely a kind of Commitment).

-Any one who has Friends , Is also Committed to his Friends to some extent.

-Even someone who is Doing a Project /Assignment at a company ,College or Even A Personal one , He/ She is Committed to that Project till it is finished!

- A Church you go to all your life, A school , A University….You will keep on saying: That is MY CHURCH..MY School & MY University that I graduated from …It just will remain with u for the rest of your life. …………………..Isn’t that a Kind of Commitment?!

Measure upon that a lot of things that we do everyday of our lives…We will find that Life is ALL About Commitment but may be with different ratios.

So returning to our Question …Why the Fear of commitment when it is around us in different figures & different shapes ?!

I really don’t know…I wish I would find out one day..

Thanks to my friend … because it has been a while since I last thought of something to write about in my Blog.

The reason for that is because I mainly write (or let me say I write a GOOD Article) only when I feel down or sad.  So that make “Not Writing” for a while means that things are going just fine & I don’t feel bad about anything to write about .
Although that’s not right, I do feel bad about some things going on these days.
I even don’t know if I really want to document this or not!

This new year has been the strangest new year ever in my life!… But Unfortunately it has been strange in a bad way & not a good one. 

I just wakep up on the first day of the year on the news of an accident & unfortunately the death of a friend…& that friend was going to be the fiance of my cousin in a week !! (a Harsh start isn’t it ?!).

I was planning to attend it differently… A Dish Party at one of my Friends’ homes with all of my friends that I haven’t seen for a while gathered there .
But it didn’t go that way… It ended up with me travelling to visit my cousins & support them for the friend & the finacee they lost on their very first day of the year!

God it was hard!

It just don’t come to our minds that death can be so close at this young age ! (I don’t want  to seem so pissmistic but unfortunately it is true).

May be we just have to be remembered every once in a while that Life is really short ..& that Our Original place is not here on Earth, but there is  Really A Better Place way  Beautiful than this one ..

All we  have to do is prepare ourselves to Be Ready when it is time……….. & when our time comes.

I love this movie so much ..I feel it so much that I sometimes feel that My life will be so much like this movie.!

I have always been concerned,worried & thinking  about loving the wrong person.!

Getting attached very much to someone & knowing everything about him …He being My Best Friend ..But at the same time being worried that he might not feel the same ..So I just stick to being friends because I don’t have another option!!
At the same time, a very Suitable guy comes to me , tells me he likes me & that he want to propose for me.
And I don’t have 1 Single reason to refuse him because he is MR.Perfect in everything!!

So I may accept him because he is the one who CARED more & was Brave enough to tell me I like U, I want U & I LOve U !
But Will I Forget my Best Friend at that time ?!! Will I forget that I had feeling for him one day?!!
I know at that time ,we will not be that close anymore…because my Fiancee Shall be My best Friend then!

B ut what if he wasn’t as close as My old best Friend? What if he didn’t know, Appreciate ,care for every detail that I used to tell my best Friend ?!
yes he is Mr. Perfect in everything But may be not for ME!
I really wish that won’t happen for me  & if it did , I wish it will be alll cleared out at the suitable moment like in the movie …Although it will be so hard in my case!

N.B: I love the Couple in the movie very much ..they are just a perfect match for best friends & lovers…..I wish that will be the same for meeeeeeee ! Pleaseeeeeee God.

I  WISH  from the bottom of my heart  that My lover Be my” Best Friend “before being my Love =).I don’t want to just get engaged to the first person who proposes to me just For the Sake of Getting Engaged or Married!
IF I waited all this time …I wish that it will be for Love first before anything else..

I Truely wish that I find “My Lost 2nd half” ..not Just A Suitable Person for Me.

I have always been inspired by Quotes of famous people & Quotes from movies & so on…But for the first time in my life
I feel now that all these Quotes are just Words !

They don’t mean more or less than words that are too Ideal to be applied !
I don’t know why I am saying this or why I feel like that..or may be I do but not sure or don’t what to spit it out!!

I have a strange feeling of being “rejected” or in other words not loved nor hated ! …just rejected .

I Do Care about people & I do love them but I realized something that may be a big Negative point in me..I can’t love or give without a little bit of return!

I can’t love for the sake of  love!……( although that is one of the simpliest  Commandements that God ordered us to do)
I can’t keep on giving without the other person that I give ,gives me. (even if it is less but it may be enough for me).
Although I know that it is better ” not to fall in love” at all Than having a” Broken Heart “but I still want Love.!
Also I am sure that me being a sensitive person may break me down to pieces if I fell in love for the wrong person or the wrong time..I still can’t stop thinking about wanting someone badly & Thinking (even for a while..) for every person I meet & like , if he can be suitable for me as a partner or not!!

God,I do trust you as u say ..That you may be doing this for my own sake not anyone esle…& you may be protecting me from many things that i may not be able to stand or Handle…But Sometimes I can’t stop thinking & u know it. I know that is partially my problem because I stopped being occupied by you from the inside as before..But, 
You Know I am a Weak person ,I can’t do anything on my own !!! Please help me ! Or Send me someone to Help me.

It is really shockingly true!
I don’t know much to say now about that but this Quote is Really coming just on time…It is how I feel right now  exactly after coming back from visiting One of my best  friends…Or I ”Consider” him as one of my best Friends while not feeling the same from him!

It is really a strange complicated feeling!
We talk a lottttt…we can stay chatting together for 5 or 6 Hours ! We speak about EVERYthing,People, Filming,Photography,Religon,Love Experiencces,Politics,Memories, Concept of Marriage, Divorce ,His friends & my friends…almost Everything!
Even that it sometimes feels Silly & ridiculous at the end that we spent all this time just Talking…But that doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy talking to him…Unfortunatly I do …& Unfortunatly too he is the only boy from my friends whom I like to chat with!
Whom I feel MYSelf when talking to him …Although there are a lot of things that I don’t like about him,,,& he is totally my Opposite in so many things! That is one of the things that makes it confusing.

That’s only when we r Alone or chatting online or on the phone.
what makes me feel strange is that it is not the same when we r in the middle of a large group…It is not that easy to talk with him..& same about him! as if we r Secret Friends!!!
He Don’t admit it in front of many people  that we r close Friends :S…or at least that’s how I feel!

I try to be a good Friend in many ways…I know about 95 % of his friends & about 85 % of his life!
That’s because he talks a lot & I listen a lot …I doubt that he knows the same about me …but much less!
 He loves people that don’t care about him the same way as I do..!

On the other side, I ignore some people that seem to like me & ready to do things for me…& don’t do the same that I do with THAT best friend….what do u think This Is ?!!!
Stupid isn’t it ?!!! Disappointing may be too :S

I know it is not a big deal ..& I am not in pain …But it is really Confusing & makes me wonder is it worth it or not ?!!!!

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch!
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

I hope that u like them as much as I did… =)

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

Weary
Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Skold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I’m Only Human

Everyone’s Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World’s
Got A Role For Me
I’m So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You’ll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Lead Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

(Carry)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me There)

(Save Me)
(Heal Me And Bathe Me)
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There)

(Lift Me)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Show Me You Care)

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Need Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

[Spoken]
In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tripulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I’ll Never Let You Part
For You’re Always In My Heart. 

(Michael Jackson)

N.B: I was really Touched by this song today!……It is really Wonderful Music, Lyrics, Meanings  & of course Voice & Performance Of The AMAZING king of Pop Michael Jackson. You were Really A Great Talented Loved Man.

U will Alwaysssssss be the King Of Pop …whatever Happens!!!
God Bless Ur Soul.