One Week

Think about Him …Dont Think about him…Think about him…Dont Think about Him!!!!!

I can’t decide whether I want to remember him or not.I cant tell whether I want him to ask about me or not.

Do I miss him?!! I suree doo…But do I want to keep feeling that way !! Hanged & not in control of anything..defiently not!
I miss having cigarette breaks with him…I miss sitting on his disk!
I miss the nonsense talk …as well as the sexy talk!

No one ever had inspired me & made me talk like he did!

No one had ever made me imagine &dream & talk out my imagination like he did…& I dont think anybody will.
I unfortunately miss that badlyy in my lifee!
My life is empty & with no imagination or creativity or inspiration without him.
He was the interesting part in it!

He is Leaving…

Not only the feeling is fading away, But he is also leavingg!!!
My Love is leaving work to a New place. He told me last week.He called me to tell me his leaving & it is only almost 2 weeks left.(by Today it is only 9 days left)
I didnt know what to say at first..I didnt know if I was happy or sad.But I did cry for a while.
The reason i say i might be happy is that i asked god earlier to end my misery one way or another coz I didnt know how to end it..& Here it is..He is ending it.

The confused feeling of having feelings for someone , & He having feelings for u , but at the same time he can’t give u all what u want or  what u need because he has another life, with another committments..The feeling of being in love & not being in love..the feeling of being in a relationship (or dreaming u are) but at the same time it is just in secret & u cant talk about it or declare it to anyone, neither to ur family, friends or even friends at work who are all around u , Stalking us both with their eyes upon every move.
That weird confused fucked up feeling is a hell of a feeling..I cant understand how did i live with it for the past 3 & half years.

And Now I cant stop thinking about how i will come to work knowing he is not there!
Who will i talk to or sit on his desk, who will i take a break with …He was my closest person at work:(..& My love…& My best Experience Ever…I dont think I will Ever replace him..No Matter what.